Sandra D.

Some days, it feels like maybe i’m not quite enough to accomplish the day that lies before me. Some days, my hands, fingers, wrists, thumbs, shoulders, neck, back, hips, and heart ache. Days like these, when my clients feel too big, with too much tension, when my body feels tired and my soul aches for a time-out…i feel very human. It can be challenging to honor how you feel, when there’s always work to be done. When you’ve been trained to be an uplifter, rather than a debbie downer. But then, in times like these, when is it okay to just feel as we do? Words have power, and so we are taught to keep our pain to ourselves, to “check our tired at the door” so as not to burden anyone else with it. Are you just bitching and complaining?. But how much can you swallow before you start to choke on it? Today, as i massaged, I kept going back to the thought: “What does it really mean to be of service?”. I guess like with everything, it all depends on your perspective. In my opinion, based on my life so far, it feels like being of service means to give, even when you feel empty. It means to put your own feelings and crises on hold, showing up, ready and willing to help someone feel better somehow. At times though, being of service means NOT helping, because we cannot force our help on anyone who isn’t ready to accept it. I know this from the times I’ve offered my service to those who didn’t value it…I ended up feeling more than drained, emptier because my efforts didn’t do much to uplift their sour moods. It means letting people experience what they are determined to, instead of thinking that you know best. I read something the other day talking about the shadow side of Virgo: doing so much for others that you completely deplete yourself, forgetting to secure your own oxygen mask first. This is something I’ve been reminded of again and again. When you care, it’s sometimes hard to differentiate between you and me…when you feel so much, it’s hard to know what YOU even feel anymore, because there are so many feelings floating around. There’s so much heartache and sadness and heaviness and depression. And yes….so much beauty and grace and love and joy…yet at times it can feel like one little act of kindness is really just a drop in the massive bucket of need which exists in the world. The potential and real devastation caused by these recent hurricanes have brought up a lot of emotions for people, myself included. It has squeezed me dry, it seems and today, I’m just honoring the fact that sometimes, the ones who help others to feel so much better, can use a helping hand, too.

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