Walking the path

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“Write”, the feeling says… and so i finish my responsible things, so i can free my mind and let these words express themselves. Sometimes, just before i feel my fingers stroke the keys with confidence in knowing which letters are next in line…i feel a trepidation. Unsureness, if that’s even a word. Then, i feel my shallow breathing, and am reminded to slow down the inhalation…letting go of expectation. My breath deepens and the words begin to flow. Lately, and often, while i’m massaging my clients, i’ve been feeling so astounded by how walking the path of a massage therapist has continued to transform my entire being. So many of my survival tactics are behaviors and beliefs that my career has taught me. When we choose to open a door, we often don’t quite yet understand what it is we’re walking into. Stepping onto this path was saying, loud and proud, “yes, i want to be of service to this world”. I had no idea that in doing so, i’d learn to be of service to myself. I feel like the decision to become a bodyworker all those years ago, has and does elevate me into a more authentic version of myself than I would otherwise be. I kind of “grew up” in the corporate spa environment, learning my craft through experience, because that’s really the only way. Six or seven clients a day was a regular occurrence, and generally in a totally disorganized, chaotic, and stressful environment. I lovingly refer to this time of my life as “massage therapy boot camp”. I learned to be much bigger than i was, and learned to leverage my weight and my skills so that i could accomplish whatever was placed before me. Thankfully, these days, i have far more space in my schedule and more self-respect. As a result, i believe, i have a thriving massage business, because i’m not giving from an empty vessel. i’m totally present with every client, giving from a space of grace, gratitude, and fullness. I know what it felt like to push my body to the limit. I remember walking in through the door of my home after an endless massage day, falling to my knees and sobbing, somebody else’s tears, because back then, i didn’t have a definitive method for clearing the energy of my day. I have learned through almost burning out that it’s imperative for me to take really good care of myself, in all avenues. My massages lately have been morphing more and more into the parts and pieces of myself that i’d often kept private in those corporate- be just like everybody else- environments. I smudge every client with sage now, because massage has shown me that when i do, intending that my clients are able to let go of whatever no longer serves them, I am able to do the same, and it makes the massage go so much easier. I play my tibetan singing bowl on every client now, because when I do, with the intention that their energy is elevated into a higher frequency, a higher vibration…they almost immediately let go, breathe a sigh of relief and get out of their own way so we can do some good work together. Massage has taught me how to “hold the space” with soothing sounds and music, candles flickering, and silent BEingness…remembering the vulnerability of another human being, and so doing my best to avoid disturbing the safety we can create when we witness another let go of their burdens. Massage has shown me that I NEED to receive in order to give. It’s a responsibility to not only myself, but every client i invite onto my table. I have learned through receiving from people who didn’t have those intentions, that i am a sensitive being…and so i am more discerning now about who i will allow to work on me. I have learned that it’s imperative for me to clear my energy, and ground myself often…to learn to detach from the suffering of others, while still being present to witness their pain. Massage brought me to dancing, painting, drumming…finding other ways of clearing the accumulation of whatever energies i might have picked up on my way. I think this career is saving me every day, a little more…

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