My client paid me a very nice compliment the other day, just as I laid my hands on her to begin her massage. “I’ve been getting massages for years, all over the world and you are without a doubt, the best I’ve ever had… your hands are magic”. I thanked her, but also reminded her that i can only do what I do when others let down their walls enough to receive what it is I have to give. For those clients who remember to take care of themselves more often, to stretch, to relax, to get regular bodywork and to silence their minds on occasion, so they can feel how they feel…. they make it so much easier for me to make a difference. For those who take time in little ways to heal themselves instead of whining “help me”, when they don’t do much to help themselves…. that’s where the real magic can happen. My clients have taught me so much over the years. They’ve reminded me to slow down and pace myself, that it’s not only up to me to “fix” or “help”. They have taught me that it’s ok for me to limit the amount of work i do for others…and to remember to take care of me. They have taught me the importance of getting regular massages for myself, because it’s more than just a physical “feel good ” kinda thing…it’s about survival. And on those days, when it feels like i’m not capable of “showing up” to help…I am shown that with intention to help, nothing can stand in the way. Somehow, on the days when I’ve struggled with something like a horrible migraine, mind-numbing cramps, grieving the loss of a loved one, heart-ache, depression, anxiety, back or neck issues, hands that throb and ache after doing this work for this many years, or tears that won’t stop falling…when i take the time to breathe and be present with someone who is ready to let go of their own pains, I am able to let go of some of mine, too. I’ve often said that massage has been my saving grace, more times than I can count. It’s the thing that’s always stuck with me, no matter where I’ve moved or where I’ve chosen to work…this craft continues to show me that there’s so more to me than what I can see. I’m so thankful for this path
1-1-2018 Sandra D.
Fear is said by some to be “false evidence appearing real”; which doesn’t do much to console the anxious feeler in times when that fear gets triggered. The law of attraction says that what we give our focus to now becomes our reality later. Pushing fear down or attempting to avoid it is basically denial, and so the trigger remains and the tension builds, polluting our mind and emotions as we do our best to reroute our thoughts. I’ve been thinking a lot about this topic over the last few years, and working as a massage therapist often allows my mind the silence to reveal clarity in whatever ways it presents itself. I can only speak for myself, as I’ve only walked my path and woken up behind these eyes each day. Maybe what I offer rings true for you, as well…
The ego says “i feel too small to accomplish this big day before me”. Spirit reminds me “If you show up with the intention to serve, the energy will flow through you where its needed…. it’s not coming from you anyway, just passing through.”
Ego worries “if im brave enough to be completely authentic, will my family and friends still accept me?”
Spirit reminds me “we are all here to grow through experience, so the only times we would judge another is if we have stopped being present with ourselves”.
Ego hesitates to use all of this voice to speak, write, sing, drum, play; Because what if it makes things worse? Or what if someone finds fault in my expression?
Spirit reminds me “take a breath find gratitude, and let it flow through you; it’s not coming from you anyway. Nobody will ever express a moment exactly like you, so be proud of whatever reveals authentically.”
Ego holds back and wonders, is it safe to trust this person or that one, to be who they seem to be…and what if they wish to do me harm?”
Spirit reminds me “Energy cannot be created or destroyed so that means we are all part of the same energy…which means a part of me has been around forever, and i would never choose to do harm to myself, so I am safe always”.
Ego says “if everything is calm then I will be at peace”.
Spirit reminds me ” If your peace is always dependent on your attachment to situations or people being a certain way, then you will never find it for very long before it can be taken away. There will always be hurricanes and storms, but you must find your centered calm within yourself”.
Last night, the anxiety was triggered as it sometimes can be. I closed my eyes while i played my drum and prayed. Alone in my peace i was reminded that i was untouchable here. Within the hurricane of emotions I could have felt, this time I saw it differently. This energy which has often brought up feelings of nervousness, anxiety, and irritation, instead showed me an opportunity to serve…and so I prayed to heal this source of frustration…because it must keep presenting itself for a reason, or it wouldn’t be an issue. And then, spirit reminded me to pray for my own healing. And so I prayed with everything I had that I am able to heal that part of me which feels upset by the presence of another, for any reason. I prayed to heal that part of myself which gave away my peace… And then, drumming next to the man who loves me; our drums collided with a mighty voice which told me my prayers were received….and then I smiled.
It’s interesting when these memories pop up and remind me of the cycles which are ever present in our experience. I woke up today with a headache similar to this post a few years ago. Recent drama in the community and world yuckyness sometimes makes it feel like wouldn’t be easier to just give up? I give thanks to those button pushers who seem to make it their goal to poison the lives of others or at least rock their boats. That familiar quote about “they know not what they do” comes to mind . And yet often times these individuals DO know what they do and they do it on purpose. In this moment, I give thanks for these challenging individuals who make me realize each time I rise above and choose to look over here instead of over there, that while we are all pieces of the same one, we are meant to evolve beyond certain behaviors. It is a beautiful gift to realize and stand firm in the truth That we are allowed to be discerning in who we keep in our inner circle. As for me, I’m thankful for those people who show up consistently as friends and help me to remember that I don’t have to lower my vibration for anyone .
This article really resonated with me. This part in particular: “What I’ve been noticing is how a lot of self-titled spiritual healers are using ascension as an excuse to not do any heavy lifting in life. These Lightworkers may talk about crystalline grids and reprogramming their energy fields—but at the first sign of heavy energy or darkness they run. Back to their world of sparkles, pretty crystals, and ETs doing all the work from the other side. Meanwhile, ignoring earthly trauma, pain, and depression right in front of them”….
we are here, now at least, as humans. It seems sometimes that the more “conscious” we’ve become, “we are all one…”the less compassionate we are to those who are feeling their very real Emotions… and then told to “get over it” or worse, dismissed and made to feel less than, because “evolved beings” supposedly don’t feel rage, grief, disillusionment, fear, disappointment, jealousy…hurt. I’ve actually been told by some of those self proclaimed “evolved or chosen” humans that they’ve never felt certain emotions, like jealousy, or insecurity, for instance. Maybe that means they are “new souls”, cuz we don’t get to pick and choose which emotions come up when we are poked and prodded by the world around us. And if we were truly “chosen” to be more evolved or special in some way, would we need to claim that we were? The thing is, emotions are part of the wonder and often painful reasons to catapult ourselves into growth, change, evolving. Without owning and feeling it all, we are not Being fully present in this now. And WE gotta do the inner work, can’t just regurgitate the teachings or beliefs of others and expect to bypass or brush past the yucky stuff. Real growth takes real dedication. We are here to feel ALL of it, and hopefully make it ok for others to as well.
Some days, it feels like maybe i’m not quite enough to accomplish the day that lies before me. Some days, my hands, fingers, wrists, thumbs, shoulders, neck, back, hips, and heart ache. Days like these, when my clients feel too big, with too much tension, when my body feels tired and my soul aches for a time-out…i feel very human. It can be challenging to honor how you feel, when there’s always work to be done. When you’ve been trained to be an uplifter, rather than a debbie downer. But then, in times like these, when is it okay to just feel as we do? Words have power, and so we are taught to keep our pain to ourselves, to “check our tired at the door” so as not to burden anyone else with it. Are you just bitching and complaining?. But how much can you swallow before you start to choke on it? Today, as i massaged, I kept going back to the thought: “What does it really mean to be of service?”. I guess like with everything, it all depends on your perspective. In my opinion, based on my life so far, it feels like being of service means to give, even when you feel empty. It means to put your own feelings and crises on hold, showing up, ready and willing to help someone feel better somehow. At times though, being of service means NOT helping, because we cannot force our help on anyone who isn’t ready to accept it. I know this from the times I’ve offered my service to those who didn’t value it…I ended up feeling more than drained, emptier because my efforts didn’t do much to uplift their sour moods. It means letting people experience what they are determined to, instead of thinking that you know best. I read something the other day talking about the shadow side of Virgo: doing so much for others that you completely deplete yourself, forgetting to secure your own oxygen mask first. This is something I’ve been reminded of again and again. When you care, it’s sometimes hard to differentiate between you and me…when you feel so much, it’s hard to know what YOU even feel anymore, because there are so many feelings floating around. There’s so much heartache and sadness and heaviness and depression. And yes….so much beauty and grace and love and joy…yet at times it can feel like one little act of kindness is really just a drop in the massive bucket of need which exists in the world. The potential and real devastation caused by these recent hurricanes have brought up a lot of emotions for people, myself included. It has squeezed me dry, it seems and today, I’m just honoring the fact that sometimes, the ones who help others to feel so much better, can use a helping hand, too.
“Write”, the feeling says… and so i finish my responsible things, so i can free my mind and let these words express themselves. Sometimes, just before i feel my fingers stroke the keys with confidence in knowing which letters are next in line…i feel a trepidation. Unsureness, if that’s even a word. Then, i feel my shallow breathing, and am reminded to slow down the inhalation…letting go of expectation. My breath deepens and the words begin to flow. Lately, and often, while i’m massaging my clients, i’ve been feeling so astounded by how walking the path of a massage therapist has continued to transform my entire being. So many of my survival tactics are behaviors and beliefs that my career has taught me. When we choose to open a door, we often don’t quite yet understand what it is we’re walking into. Stepping onto this path was saying, loud and proud, “yes, i want to be of service to this world”. I had no idea that in doing so, i’d learn to be of service to myself. I feel like the decision to become a bodyworker all those years ago, has and does elevate me into a more authentic version of myself than I would otherwise be. I kind of “grew up” in the corporate spa environment, learning my craft through experience, because that’s really the only way. Six or seven clients a day was a regular occurrence, and generally in a totally disorganized, chaotic, and stressful environment. I lovingly refer to this time of my life as “massage therapy boot camp”. I learned to be much bigger than i was, and learned to leverage my weight and my skills so that i could accomplish whatever was placed before me. Thankfully, these days, i have far more space in my schedule and more self-respect. As a result, i believe, i have a thriving massage business, because i’m not giving from an empty vessel. i’m totally present with every client, giving from a space of grace, gratitude, and fullness. I know what it felt like to push my body to the limit. I remember walking in through the door of my home after an endless massage day, falling to my knees and sobbing, somebody else’s tears, because back then, i didn’t have a definitive method for clearing the energy of my day. I have learned through almost burning out that it’s imperative for me to take really good care of myself, in all avenues. My massages lately have been morphing more and more into the parts and pieces of myself that i’d often kept private in those corporate- be just like everybody else- environments. I smudge every client with sage now, because massage has shown me that when i do, intending that my clients are able to let go of whatever no longer serves them, I am able to do the same, and it makes the massage go so much easier. I play my tibetan singing bowl on every client now, because when I do, with the intention that their energy is elevated into a higher frequency, a higher vibration…they almost immediately let go, breathe a sigh of relief and get out of their own way so we can do some good work together. Massage has taught me how to “hold the space” with soothing sounds and music, candles flickering, and silent BEingness…remembering the vulnerability of another human being, and so doing my best to avoid disturbing the safety we can create when we witness another let go of their burdens. Massage has shown me that I NEED to receive in order to give. It’s a responsibility to not only myself, but every client i invite onto my table. I have learned through receiving from people who didn’t have those intentions, that i am a sensitive being…and so i am more discerning now about who i will allow to work on me. I have learned that it’s imperative for me to clear my energy, and ground myself often…to learn to detach from the suffering of others, while still being present to witness their pain. Massage brought me to dancing, painting, drumming…finding other ways of clearing the accumulation of whatever energies i might have picked up on my way. I think this career is saving me every day, a little more…
Went to dive into the healing waters of the gulf today after my massage day. I love doing this as a way to clear the energy of others i might be influenced by on a daily basis. Floating in bliss, I felt the support and love of all which surrounds us in loving protection and care…picturing my cup overflowing, i imagined i could hold the whole of existence in my awareness, sending all of that love and good stuff out to all that is. peace…. Then, as i lay out on my dry tapestry, soaking up the sun, I overheard a conversation between two kids. The elder one, perhaps the big sister, kept calling out to the little one, saying “Come on, Francis” in a mocking tone. The little one kept begging, “stop calling me Francis!” The bigger one could tell that it bothered her little friend, and so she needled her further “Well, that’s your name, isn’t it?! Do you want me to call you something that you aren’t? Come on, Francis….Francis”, she teased. Eventually they found their way somewhere else, but i was left with this little interaction to ponder.
We all know that moment when we feel that our presence, words, or actions are causing someone else to feel discomfort. Generally, this would be the moment when we’d back off our energy and check ourselves. What’s with the tendency in some to revel in the discomfort they cause others, feeding their Ego while they watch another squirm and suffer?! I’ve met quite a few people over the years who seem to make it their personal mission to bring others down. For those who walk a path of self-discovery, some might say that we should see these needlers as gifts, for bringing to the surface, something which needed releasing…some emotion which was being triggered which was holding us back in some way from being our authentic selves. Or perhaps the gift of having to interact with those who make it challenging to be in their presence is showing us when we should stand up against those who try to bully or belittle us. But I wonder, is it truly our responsibility to call others on their sh!t? I believe that we all know when we are being difficult, stubborn, or just plain cruel. Is it really that we are illuminated by these individuals who push and poke and prod and rock our boats enough to make us grow and release those limiting beliefs? Or perhaps, as the ones who are needled, we are there to illuminate their ugly, their cruel, their vindictive natures so that they can own it and start to work on letting go of all of that toxic energy. I’m finding that sometimes, the best way to stand up to someone who is determined to annoy us rather than peacefully co-exist…is to avoid them completely. I think sometimes people become addicted to a response because it tells them that they are successful in raining on another’s parade. Maybe then, with no audience, it stops being fun to bother someone else, and these people who try so hard to influence others negatively are left to deal with their own stuff…and hopefully transform it into something which helps uplift the world around them.